


Not Your Forever

by NavyBrat817



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, DCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Break Up, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, F/M, Insecurities, Moving On, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:56:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26174596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NavyBrat817/pseuds/NavyBrat817
Summary: Steve Rogers made a choice...and it wasn’t you.
Relationships: Clark Kent/Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 138
Kudos: 430





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies! I posted this one-shot on Tumblr and have decided to turn this into a thing. 💖 I've seen works where Steve leaves the reader and wanted to try my own take on it. I hope you like it! 💖
> 
> This is not beta read and any and all mistakes are my own.

Part of you had known from the beginning that your relationship with Steve was doomed to fail. You ignored that nagging voice in your mind though because you were happy. He gave you hope, even with how dark the world had been. He made you laugh and smile like no one else could. And you thought that maybe...you were enough for him. But you never were. 

How could you be enough when his heart was never yours? His heart had already been given away long ago. It was easy to blame yourself for getting in too deep, but you never thought he would have a chance to go back. And...you naively never thought he would take the opportunity if it came up. 

The moment he asked to talk to you alone before returning the stones, you knew. It was the beginning of the end. He paced slowly as he tried to speak. Silently, you waited until you couldn't take the quiet any longer.

"You're not coming back...are you?"

Steve slowly shook his head as he faced you. "No...I'm not."

You nodded as tears filled your eyes. "So...this is it then, is it?"

"It's...I never meant to hurt you," he swore when you began to cry.

"Yes, you did," you whispered. 

"No," he said, looking stricken as he dropped down in front of you and took your hand. "The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. If I had met you first…"

You quickly pulled your hand away. "So because you met her FIRST, that makes a difference? You said she had a life. A family. She moved on."

Steve's jaw clenched a bit, not responding.

"She's good enough to have a life with, but I'm not?" you asked as you began to openly sob. "Why am I not enough?"

He pulled you in for a hug and you didn't have it in you to protest as you cried against his chest. He felt so warm. He felt...safe. He always felt so safe. Now it was the last time he was going to hold you and you desperately wanted to cling to that hope that he would still choose you. 

"I loved you," he whispered. "Please remember that."

The use of past tense made you cry harder. Loved. The mere chance of going back to her erased everything you had. Your relationship might as well have been dusted. Unlike what happened, you were quickly accepting that there was no fixing this

"I love you. Please...Steve. Please, choose me," you begged.

"I'm never going to forget what you did for me."

"Stop," you whispered, your heart aching in your chest.

"You're going to be happy. I know you are," he continued. 

"Stop," you repeated louder as you began to pull away.

"And you're going to-"

"STOP!" you screamed. "Damn you, Steve! Stop!'

He let you smack his chest, his arms now lifeless at his sides. How fitting that he didn't fight you. Apparently if it involved you, it wasn't worth fighting for. Your arms fell, too, at that sinking feeling. Why fight for a lost cause?

Your tears slowed enough for you to regain just enough composure to talk. "I hope you have a nice life. I hope she makes you happy."

"Darling, please," he whispered as he tried to touch your cheek. 

"No. You said this over. So this is goodbye," you said as you got up. 

Steve looked defeated as you stepped away from him. "Bucky can-"

"I don't need YOUR friends watching my back after you stuck your knife in it," you snapped, a slight victory in your eyes when he flinched. "I said this is goodbye. So just...be happy."

Your footsteps felt heavy as you left, feeling his eyes on you until you were out of sight. You proudly didn't look back. If he was leaving you behind without a second thought, you would do your best not to dwell on him in return. That wouldn't be easy now that your whole future had shattered. You would just have to put yourself back together. 

Your body had switched to autopilot, almost numb as you began to pack your things. Almost. Packing didn't take as long as you thought it would. You never had a lot to begin with, but it never bothered you. As long as you had love, it was more than enough.

Sobs wracked your frame as the numbing feeling shifted to grief. Deep breaths in and out helped you settle yourself enough until all that was left were small hiccups. You were going to be alone again. 

You placed your key on the nightstand, looking at the framed photo of you and Steve. It was a rare moment of him laughing as he held you. He hadn't even known the photo was being taken and that was what made it so special. Your fingertips brushed the glass, wishing you could transport back to that moment. Wishes didn't come true for you, remembering that as you put the frame facedown. 

You had no idea where you'd go, but you at least had some skills. You could find a job. Settle down somewhere and make a new life. 

You snuck out the back, making sure no one saw you. You didn't want to face them. By now they all knew, if they hadn't known from the beginning. You were the outsider. The one who never fit. They probably only tolerated you because of Steve. His choice pretty much proved your theory. You didn't belong.

It didn't make it any easier as you got to your car, fresh tears spilling over as you threw your bag in. Thankfully you had plenty of money saved. You never had a joint account with Steve, which should have been another red flag. Now wasn't the time to dwell on past mistakes. It was time to go.

Maybe if you had wiped away the tears, you would have seen the pair of eyes watching you. But you never did. You simply left...and you left the broken pieces of yourself behind you.

*****

"Why isn't she here yet?" Sam asked from where he stood. 

"Patience isn't your strong suit, is it?" Natasha teased as she sipped her drink. 

"No, it isn't," Bucky confirmed as he kept an eye out. 

"She'll be here," the redhead promised.

It was almost three years to the day since you left. It hadn't been easy to track you down. As soon as you had the chance, you ditched your car. You removed the tracking device from your old phone and got a new one. You closed your bank account. You weren't even active on social media.

"Are we sure she wants to see us?" Wanda asked as she walked through the crowd.

"She doesn't," Bucky guessed. "Otherwise she wouldn't have...what's the word?"

"Ghosted us," Natasha supplied, choosing her next words carefully. "Her heart was broken. She did what was best for her."

"And bombarding her is now best for her?" Sam asked.

"Captain's orders," Bucky said quickly, standing up for his best friend. Like he always would.

"Incoming. My ten o'clock," Sam announced. 

It was almost like a Cinderella moment when you walked into the ballroom. Several heads turned your way, but you didn't seem to notice. A relaxed smile touched your lips as you took a glass of champagne, thanking the waiter. You looked completely at ease. And you somehow looked younger than the last time everyone saw you.

"She looks…" Wanda began.

"Happy," Bucky finished for her. 

You took a sip of your drink, glancing around. You felt eyes on you. Several pairs of eyes. It made you uncomfortable. Almost to the point where you wanted to turn around and walk out. You weren't going to do that though. Not when you were there to support a friend.

It was the pair of familiar blue eyes that made you freeze though. A pair of eyes you thought you'd never see again. Suits weren't something Steve had the chance to wear often, but he always looked stunning when he did. What truly stunned you though was that he was there, walking toward you. And he looked the same, but there was something in his eyes that hadn't been there before. It was that look that kept you rooted to the spot. 

"You look...so beautiful," Steve said once he stopped in front of you. 

A flood of emotions hit you as you gazed at him. It wasn't fair that he still looked just as handsome as the day you met. You would have gone to the ends of the earth for Steve Rogers if he asked you to. But now...That person was gone. And that was for the best.

"What are you doing here?" you asked, your grip almost painful on the glass.

"I had to see you," he answered.

Anger flooded your senses once the shock wore off. "Well. You saw me. Now if you'll excuse me."

He gently took your arm when you tried to step away. "It's...not just me. Almost everyone is here. We all want to see you."

"You need to leave," you said quickly. "All of you."

Steve frowned as you brushed him off. "It's been-"

"Almost three years since we saw each other. I know. And we should just keep it that way."

"No, darling," he said calmly. 

"I'm not your darling," you said softly so you wouldn't cause a scene. "Just go. Please."

"You're not even going to give me a chance to explain?" 

"There is nothing to explain. You left. End of story."

Years ago, the hurtful look in his eyes would have made you collapse in his arms. You would have done anything to take that pain away. You would have wanted to hurt the person who caused that pain. And had it been you, you would have begged for forgiveness. You were stronger now.

"Just five minutes, please," he begged, cupping your cheek. "Maybe a dance?"

"Steve…" you whispered. 

"I made a mistake. I'm so-"

"Excuse me," a deep voice cut in. "Mind if I cut in?"

Steve's glare wasn't hidden well as he looked toward the man now standing beside you. "Actually, we're talking."

"We're done talking, Steve," you said firmly.

"Oh. Is this... _Steve_?"

"Do I know you?" the Captain asked curtly. 

"This is Clark Kent," you introduced. "My fiance."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think?! For those asking why I didn't tag Clark originally, well...I wanted it to be a surprise. 🥰 What will happen next?! Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This really had turned into a thing! 💖
> 
> This is not beta read and any and all mistakes are my own.

The silence lasted a second. Then it stretched to another. And another. Your former lover's gaze was drawn to your engagement ring as he tried to find the words. It wasn't flashy or over the top, but the diamond seemed to glow under the sudden attention. 

"You're engaged?" Steve asked, his voice even in contrast to the storm in his eyes.

"I am," you said proudly. 

"How did this happen?"

"Well," Clark began. "We had a romantic dinner, I got down one knee and after-"

"I don't think that's what he meant, Clark," you interrupted, trying not to smile at his humor. 

"Sorry. My mistake."

The Captain's gaze was calculating as it swept over your fiance. "You're funny."

"Hope thinks I am."

"Hope?" Steve repeated in confusion.

"It's a nickname for me," you clarified. "It's...well, it's an inside joke."

The hurt look reappeared on the Captain's face. There was no denying the fondness in your tone or the tenderness in Clark's eyes. Maybe he thought you were both making a joke at his expense. Frankly, you weren't in the mood to ease his worries. 

"Congratulations," he breathed out. The single word sounded flat. 

"Thanks," you replied with a sigh. "Now will you please leave?"

"I still haven't had a chance to talk with you.”

The stubbornness used to be endearing, but it seemed entitled in the moment. "I have nothing to say else to say to you."

"Bruce was looking for you," Clark switched topics to cut the sudden tension, which only grew at his next words, "but...maybe you two should talk."

"Really?" you and your ex asked in sync.

"He came all this way...and I'm sure he has a very good reason as to why," your Kryptonian said easily. 

"Clark," you whispered. 

"I'll be right here," he whispered back.

You inhaled and exhaled slowly. Clark was not only understanding, but you knew he'd rush to your side if he had to. "I won't be long," you promised, kissing him softly. 

You saw the heartbroken look on Steve's face as you pulled away. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet. You haven't heard what my fiance has to say."

"Why don't we step outside?" you suggested, motionining for Steve to follow before he could respond to Clark. You were surprised your legs didn’t wobble as you led him outside.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

Of course, he saw you shaking. "I'm fine, thanks."

Steve put his hands in his pockets, not taking his eyes off of you. "You really do look so beautiful."

"Please, say whatever the hell it is you need to say and go," you demanded. You weren't in the mood to beat around the bush. 

"Are you giving orders now? I thought that was _my_ job," he teased. 

“And I see that people still follow yours. Seriously, you brought almost the whole gang with you?” you scoffed, not bothering to hide your annoyance. The nerve of all of them. "I know for a fact you weren’t invited and I don't appreciate any of you crashing this gala."

“They won’t cause a scene. They really did want to see you. They...said you never came back after that day.”

That was true. You left the chapter of your life behind and everyone in it. “Why would I? Steve, that was your team.

“They were yours, too. Bucky was hurt when you left,” he argued gently. 

“Bucky barely knew me. I don’t get why that would hurt him,” you told him, wrinkling your nose in confusion.

The action brought a small smile to the Captain’s face before it quickly faded. “He hoped you two would bond since...”

“Since you left him behind, too,” you guessed, shaking your head when he had the gall to look guilty. Not guilty enough, in your opinion. “Three years.”

"Three years," he confirmed.

"That's...a long time. Maybe that isn't much to a man who spent 70 years in the ice, but it's a long time to those who matter. I guess in your case, those who don't matter."

"You do matter. All of you. I'm so sorry. I thought my life at the time should have been with Peggy. I just...wanted a chance at the life I didn’t get to live."

You understood to an extent. He was the man out of time. He had his chance ripped away from him when he went into the ice. His decision, but you weren’t going to bring that up. “What happened? Missed the food here? The internet?”

Steve frowned at your sarcasm. “At first, it was fine. I finally got that dance,” he started, gauging your reaction. If you felt any kind of hurt from that, you didn’t let it show. “We were...happy it seemed. We thought it would be enough."

You turned your head toward the sky. The beauty of it soothed you. "Is anything ever enough for you? I wasn't enough, so you left. Now she wasn't enough, so you left. Where will you go next? The future?"

"Will you at least look at me if you're going to insult me?" he joked just a bit.

"I don't owe you a _thing_ , Rogers, but I guess I can do that," you snapped as you faced him, trying your hardest to not show how vulnerable you felt. 

"No, you don't owe me a thing," he agreed, which surprised you. "Peggy and I should have sensed from the start that we both changed. The things I knew and saw here ate away at me. Knowing what I did and having to sit back and not do a thing to stop it...That isn't me."

You nodded in agreement. You had wondered the same. How could Steve go back knowing that Bucky would be tortured and used by Hydra? How could he go about life knowing that the very organization Peggy and Howard built would be infiltrated by that same group? How could he sleep easy knowing Tony's parents would be murdered by his brainwashed best friend?

"I had nightmares. You might remember how I used to get those," he continued as you nodded once again. You always soothed him on those nights when he looked so afraid and alone. "It wasn't just the battles I dreamt about...It was about you."

You snorted as you crossed your arms. It wasn't a mature response, but you didn't have the words and you didn't believe him.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you. I said your name in my sleep. I woke up reaching for you. Peggy heard it and asked who you were. I told her everything. How we were together...and how I left you," he went on, making your heart clench. You didn't want to think about it. "She was furious for what I did to you."

Angry tears filled your eyes. "So because _SHE_ made you feel guilty you came back? Jesus Christ."

"No! God, this is all wrong," Steve mumbled, turning away to collect himself before he turned back to you. "We had our dance and that's all it should have been. She knew that I loved you and never stopped. I love you. I don't have a right to show up after three years and ask for another chance, but...I'm still asking. Please."

There was an optimistic smile on his face. That smile was one he reserved for you after restless days and endless nights. For a fleeting moment, you were swept up in a nostalgic feeling. You could almost pretend that things were the way they used to be. In the blink of an eye, the fog was lifted and you saw what was right in front of you. He was your past.

"You don't get to do this to me," you whispered angrily. "You broke my heart."

"I would never hurt you again. I regret so many things. What I did to you...God, losing you..."

"You didn't lose me," you said quickly.

"What?"

"You didn't lose me. You gave up on me. There's a huge difference. For the record, _I_ lost _you_. I lost a chance at a future with you. I lost…everything," your voice breaking on the last word as a tear finally fell. 

"Darling…I made a mistake,” he pleaded, reaching to wipe the tear away as you stepped back.

“It wasn’t a mistake! It was a CHOICE! You _CHOSE_ to leave me behind.”

“I’m so sorry,” he swore, his eyes glassy as he looked at you.

“You know what I did? I made a choice, too. I chose to pick myself up and find my strength. I chose to make a new life for myself. I chose to move on, like you always said people should do.”

“I-”

“You said that day that you knew I’d be happy. You were right...because I am happy. I have a great life and a strong partner by my side. He's kind and loving and...he would never give up on me."

You were pouring salt on the open wound at this point, but he had to feel it. He had to know that you weren't broken. 

“You really love him?” he asked in a small voice. 

“I do,” you smiled softly, but confidently. It amazed you that you fell in love again, but you did. “And I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him.”

He took your hand and ran his thumb along your finger, close to your ring. "This should be my ring on your finger. It should have always been."

You snatched your hand away like he burned you. He had no right to touch you. "And it shouldn't have taken you three years to realize you made the wrong choice. There's either more to it or you really just a man out of time."

"I love you!"

"Those are just words! If you truly love me or have even a shred of respect for me, you will get the hell out of my life. Now."

"I'm not giving up on you," he declared. 

"You gave up on me long ago. Goodbye, Steve," you said firmly, walking back inside before he could stop you. He was right on your heels, which only made you walk faster. Fury must have shown in your eyes because people moved out of your way. You just wanted to find Clark. 

"You may love him, but do you still love me?"

You stopped and spun around, making Steve nearly collide with you. He actually had the balls to ask you that?! "Just leave!"

"Oh, my god! It's Captain America!" 

Your anger nearly disappeared when Dick slid between you and Steve. 

"Um…” the blonde was thrown off momentarily. “Yes. Please, excuse me."

“Wow. Look at us. A couple of handsome men,” he smiled charmingly as he moved beside Steve and threw his arm over Steve’s shoulders.

You had to cover your mouth to smother your giggles. Ever the performer, he must have stopped your fiance from interfering for now.

"I really need to finish talking to-" 

"Before you go back to whatever it is you were doing, let me introduce myself. I'm Richard Grayson, but everyone calls me Dick. I'm Bruce Wayne's son. Allow me to point out a few people here. My brothers! We have Jason, Tim and Damian. Oh, and Tim even brought a friend with him. Conner," he explained, gesturing to each of them with his free hand.

You saw Steve's eyes sweep the room quickly. Jason, the man with a shocking streak of white hair, was glaring daggers at Bucky. Tim, whose gaze was more calculating than his own, and Conner, who looked a lot like Clark, were keeping an eye on Sam and Wanda. Damian, who carried himself with pride, looked as unimpressed with Natasha as she did being there. And judging by the looks on their faces, they knew they were being watched. 

"As a soldier and a strategist, I'm sure you picked up quickly that they're in close proximity to your friends. They're good. I'll give them that...but so are we."

You gave Dick a warning look. You knew how Bruce felt about their identities. It was a miracle that you knew.

"Brucie really wouldn't appreciate it if a fight broke out and we'd probably get our asses chewed out to save face, but it would be worth it. You see, we all have a soft spot for your ex here. Including Diana over there. Isn't she gorgeous?" Dick continued. "She could probably snap your neck with her thighs. And...you've already met Clark."

Steve's mouth was set in a grim line as Clark walked back to your side and slid his arm around your waist. "There's no need for a fight."

"You're absolutely right. We don't want a fight, but you were asked to leave. And as you can see, a lot of people are on Hope's side."

"Leave. _Now_."

Your eyes widened as Bruce stood behind Steve, who didn't bother to turn around. It was dangerously close to his Batman voice. 

"Nice meeting you, Cap!" Dick grinned, giving him a salute and you a wink as he blended back into the crowd.

"This isn't over," Steve told you. 

"Yes, it is. Now go."

Thankfully, he walked away. He must have alerted the others because you saw them head toward the exit. Bucky looked torn as he made eye contact with you, but he ultimately followed his best friend out. Tears filled your eyes again before you could stop them. It was overwhelming. The memories. The attention. You felt like you couldn’t breathe for a second.

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't ever apologize for their actions," Bruce said with more kindness than most people realized he was capable of. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to speak to my eldest about tact. And I think you two could use some air."

Clark nodded to his friend and quickly took you outside, making sure no one stopped or bothered you. He pulled you close just as you burst into tears. "Just let it out. I'm here."

"Who the hell does he think he is?!" you sobbed as he rubbed your back. 

You thought you were done shedding tears over Steve Rogers. It wasn't right that he strolled back into your life and reopened old wounds. It wasn't fair that he asked for another chance. You were happy now. 

"Better?" you heard when your cries turned to sniffles.

"Better. I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey. What did Bruce just tell you?" he asked, pulling away so he could wipe away the stray tears with his thumbs. "Don't apologize for his actions. Ever. He made his choice. And if you're apologizing for crying, don't do that either. You're allowed to feel how you feel."

"I don't deserve you," you muttered as he smiled. 

"If anything, I don't deserve you."

"I love you."

"I love you, too. More than anything."

You leaned back into him with a smile. Clark was one of the best men you knew. In another life, he probably would have been friends with someone like Steve. That wasn't this life though. And the Captain was no longer in yours.

*****

Steve looked up at the sky, as if that could solve his problems. It wasn't supposed to happen that way. He waited too long. He let you fall into someone else's arms. And you basically had an army behind you now. 

"Giving up, Rogers?" Natasha asked.

"No...I'll just have to come up with a new plan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did Steve really think it would be THAT easy? 😂 Thank you for reading! 🥰


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief chat leaves you with some questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Steve in this chapter, lovelies. Sorry!
> 
> This is not beta read and any and all mistakes are my own.

"Rise and shine," you heard as you opened your eyes. The smell of chocolate chip cookies hit you, which put a smile on your face as you remembered how you met Clark.

_**"Have you decided on anything?"** _

_**You blinked as you looked up from the menu. "Oh. No, I'm sorry. I think I need another minute."** _

_**Drifting mindlessly through the city, you had stumbled upon a hole in the wall diner. The place looked comforting and inconspicuous. From a few of the looks you got, you clearly weren't a regular. You didn't feel judged, though. It was like they knew you were a bit lost. Maybe that was why you took a seat in the first place.** _

_**"Take all the time you need," the waitress said with a kind smile before it slipped into a look of concern. "Are you okay?" she asked, her voice dropping close to a whisper.** _

_**"Just a rough time," you answered, suddenly on the verge of tears. Steve Rogers dumped you, but this poor waitress didn't need to hear your problems.** _

_**"I have just the thing," she said with a gentle touch to your hand, going through the door to the kitchen. You wondered what she was doing before she came back with a small plate of cookies. "Freshly baked. Best in the city. And it's on the house."** _

_**"Thanks," you whispered before she went to help another customer. It was a simple, but kind, gesture.** _

_**"They really are the best in the city," a deep voice spoke beside you.** _

_**A look of surprise crossed your face when you turned your head, finding yourself staring at a handsome man. The glasses he wore didn't take away from how clear his blue eyes were and you wondered for a moment if the frames were for fashion only. "They are?"** _

_**"Trust me," he promised.** _

_**You studied the baked good as you picked it up from the plate, slowly taking a bite and savoring the flavor. "Okay. This is the best cookie I've ever tasted."** _

_**The man chuckled at the expression on your face before he pointed to the corner of his mouth. "You have a little…"** _

_**"Oh!" you said, wiping the crumbs way. "Thanks."** _

_**"Don't mention it," he replied, his gaze warm as he kept looking at you. "I'm Clark."** _

"Don't tell me you flew all the way to get me cookies. And for breakfast of all things," you teased as you sat up. 

"I won't tell you then," Clark teased back as he sat beside you, the mattress dipping under his weight. "And you always say it's never too early for sweets."

"That’s because it never is," you agreed as you took one from the plate. He even kept them warm for you. It was little things like that, the thoughtful things, that always made your heart swell with pride. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“Yes, I do,” you whispered, munching quietly on your treat. The gala was wonderful, but you let Steve ruin it. After all this time, you let him get to you. You were _stronger_ than that. At least, you thought you were.

Clark sighed as he set the plate aside. “It was a shock to you seeing him after all that time. It would have been a shock to anyone. And he ambushed you in public. It was a cowardly, and somewhat desperate, act.”

“I think you’re one of the only people I know who has the guts to call Steve Rogers a coward.”

“I’m calling him that because that’s what he is to me. He was a coward by leaving you behind and he's _still_ a coward for trying to corner you the way he did.”

You reached for his hand, gazing at your ring when he took it. “Dick had fun putting him in his place.”

“Bruce wasn’t thrilled with his approach, but he was happy he stuck up for you. He was lucky Alfred wasn’t there.”

That made you laugh. Alfred had welcomed you into their family with open arms. You still wondered, more often than not, when it would be taken away. Would they tire of you? Would they cast you aside?

“Hope?” he asked, making you blink. He could always tell when your thoughts drifted to a darker place.

“Why am I dwelling on this?” you questioned. 

“Because he broke your heart,” he reminded you, not to hurt you. It was just something you needed to hear. “Pain like that doesn’t just go away, but I know it doesn’t make you love me any less.”

You climbed on his lap, keeping his hand in yours as the other found your hip. “Not at all.”

His kiss was slow and tender, like a wave gently brushing along the shore. He was careful, but he never once harmed you with his strength. His control, even when his emotions got to him, was something you admired. And he never questioned your love for him. He knew it ran deep. 

“Are you sure you have to work today?” you asked, pulling him in for another kiss. A day in bed with slow, lazy kisses sounded more and more tempting as each second went by.

“This should be a short day,” he swore, but he didn’t move you away when your lips met his again. You just wanted to forget for a short time, but it wasn’t fair to make him skip out on work. 

"Can I at least join you in the shower?" you offered. 

"Like you have to ask," he smirked as he easily lifted you. 

The shower was a nice distraction, his hands and lips roaming your body like they had so many times before. He was always a giver, making sure he pleased you. He revered in your cries bouncing off the bathroom walls, his strong arms keeping your trembling body from collapsing. It made it difficult to untangle your limbs from his as he had to get ready.

"Why don't we order in tonight?" he suggested as he put his glasses on. 

"Sounds like a plan," you said, giving him one last kiss as he grabbed his bag. "Don't work too hard, Kent."

"Save some of those cookies for me," he winked as he went to the door. "Love you."

"Love you," you called back as he left. "One more won't hurt," you said to yourself as you grabbed another, going to your laptop. You still had so many things to do for the wedding. Focusing on something good was exactly what you needed.

You weren't sure how much time had passed when your cell phone rang. You locked your laptop, out of habit, as you went to get it. You froze when the number came up as "Unavailable". You stared at it, wondering if you should let it go to voicemail. A normal person would’ve assumed it was a spam caller and just let it go, but you knew better. And you knew it wouldn't stop. “What do you want, Steve?” you answered, not bothering with pleasantries. 

“Hey,” you heard on the other end.

“...Bucky?” you asked, unable to hide the surprise in your voice. You expected to hear Steve on the other end. Maybe even Natasha, but not Bucky. “Should I ask how you got this number?”

“I don’t want to bother you. I just want to talk, if you’ll listen to me.”

Something in his tone made you pause. “Did Steve set this up? Does he know you’re talking to me?”

“He didn’t and he doesn’t know. I promise. Like I said...I just want to talk."

You bit your lip as you mentally debated. The curious part of you wanted to know what was on his mind. You also wondered if he was telling the truth about Steve not knowing. He had no reason to lie to you.

“Are you still there?”

“I’m still here. Sorry. Are you still in town?”

“I am,” he replied.

“There’s a café on 7th and Topaz. Can you be there in an hour?”

“I’ll be there.”

You hoped you didn't regret this.

*****

Your stomach was in knots as you approached the café. You were half tempted to not show, but Bucky didn’t deserve that. He wasn’t the one who hurt you. Something Steve said though still threw you off...the two of you bonding. Was it purely innocent or something else entirely? It bothered you that you couldn’t answer that.

Bucky had the menu in front of him as you got to the table, but you knew he wasn’t looking at it. He was just waiting for you. You also noted that he didn’t have his back to anyone. After what he had been through, trust certainly couldn’t be easy for him. "Hey."

"Hey," you said as you took a seat across from him. You didn't get to see him up close before, but you could see now that he looked tired. 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d actually come.”

“Well, we didn’t get to catch up at the gala.”

He didn’t miss the small bite in your tone as he nodded. For a second, a bitter look crossed his face. It was gone in an instant. “I told him that was a bad idea, but you know him. Captain’s orders.”

“It was and I didn’t appreciate it."

"For what it's worth...I'm sorry," he said above a whisper, seeming to shrink into himself. 

"Steve is your best friend and I don't blame you for following him," you said immediately. He had been to Hell and back and had a special bond with his best friend. You couldn't fault him for going along with his plan.

"He also left me here, too," he whispered. 

"Bucky…I'm sorry," you whispered back, putting a hand over his in comfort. You felt a bit selfish focusing on your own pain when he had to deal with losing him, too. "Is that...why you hoped we would bond?"

He didn't answer right away and you wondered if you overstepped. "I saw you leave that day. You snuck out with a small bag and didn't look back. I wish I would've stopped you," he said to your shock. You didn't realize anyone had seen you. "I knew he broke your heart. He really did take the stupid with him by leaving."

"I needed to go. So much of my life had revolved around him that I needed to find my path again."

"And Clark?" he asked.

"Clark was a friend first," you said with a soft smile.

_**"I'm starting to think you memorized my schedule so we could have these cookie dates."** _

_**"I have a hard time keeping track of my schedule," Clark teased as he took another from the shared plate.** _

_**The two of you had met more and more since he first spoke to you and you found yourself drawn to the kind man. He had been in a long-term relationship with a woman named Lois and, though it ended amicably, you knew it wasn't easy. Starting over never was.** _

_**"I've probably gained weight from eating these. They're almost as good as my Ma's pies," he joked. He always raved about his Ma's cooking.** _

_**"Where did you gain weight? In your muscles?" you giggled, brushing your fingertips along his bicep. You felt the shift from casual talking to flirtatious and you could see he felt it, too.** _

_**"If I were to ask you out...would you say yes?"** _

_**The two of you had danced around the growing attraction, but you were too afraid to take that next step. Fear wasn't something you liked to feel. You just didn't know what would happen if you were vulnerable again** _

_**"I understand if you don't want to…" he began when you didn't give him an answer, brushing it off.** _

_**"If I were to agree to a date...will we have dessert?"** _

_**"If that's what you'd like," he replied, his smile hopeful.** _

_**Could you survive another heartbreak? There was only one to find out. "Then I say yes."** _

"And now he's your fiancé," Bucky said. Unlike Steve, there was no animosity there.

"He is. He taught me not just to love again, but that it was _okay_ to love again."

"Steve hoped you would see his reason," he said quietly.

"That's the problem. He wants me to see _his_ reason. I don't blame him for loving Peggy. It would be hypocritical of me to say you can't love more than one person in your life. What I blame him for is what he _did_. He didn't love me enough to stay. You understand that, right?"

"Of course, I do. That's one of the reasons I told him that the gala was a mistake," he said, leaning in a bit closer. "Steve, he...changed. I don't know…"

"What do you mean?" you asked. For the first time, concern for your ex surfaced.

"When he came back...something was just different. Like he wasn't..." he stopped himself, looking past you. 

You looked over your shoulder to see what grabbed his attention. You couldn't see anyone there. "Bucky, what is it?" you asked as you turned back to him.

"I have to go," he avoided your question as he got up, putting money down for food he didn't even order. "I'll reach out again. Just...be careful, doll."

By the time you registered what he said, he had already walked away. And you wondered just what was going on with Steve Rogers.

*****

Barbara peered at the screen as her fingers flew across the keyboard. 

"Working hard, Babs, or hardly working?" Dick called out as he walked over.

"I'm always working, Boy Wonder," she said without looking away from the monitors. "And it looks like someone is trying to get access to our files."

"Not the first time," Dick said, leaning on the desk as he watched her work.

"And not the last time. They're trying to pull information on Clark and Diana, too," she added. "Their technology is good. I'll give them that."

"You think it might be Hope's old crew?"

"I'm _certain_ it is."

"What are you thinking? Blackmail?"

"Could be, but that's not at all."

Dick leaned up, crossing his arms. "What else is there?"

"You know Tim has a soft spot for Conner and always keeps an eye on LexCorp, right?" she asked as he nodded. "Someone tried to breach their R&D Database."

"Why the hell would they…" Dick narrowed his eyes. "Kryptonite."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is Steve up to? Thank you for reading! 💖 Come say hi to me on Tumblr [here!](https://navybrat817.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wonder what game Steve is playing before he makes his next move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not beta read and any and all mistakes are my own.

Steve watched the screen intently from where he sat, the sound of your laughter bringing a tender smile to his face. It was one of the most beautiful sounds in the world and he went too long without hearing it. He played back the footage to listen again, like he had many times since he arrived. It reminded him of the last time he heard you laugh like that. 

_"Steve, stop!" you laughed as you squirmed in his grasp. It was adorable how you giggled when he tickled you. It always made him chuckle along with you._

_"Yielding to your Captain?" he smirked as his fingers moved along your side again._

_“Never,” you smirked back._

_“I guess I’ll have to try harder,” he teased, making you shriek and kick when he continued. It was a silly moment, making him briefly forget what was coming. “Still won’t yield?”_

_"Yes! Yes, I yield. Just end this...torture."_

_He took pity on you and stopped, letting you catch your breath. You smiled up at him and for a moment he stopped breathing. It was a smile that said he hung the stars in the sky. It was the other way around. You had given him the stars, moon and sun._

_"What?" you asked when he didn't stop staring. He just wanted to remember this moment, like every other moment with you._

_“I’m just thinking of how in love with you I am.”_

_“Oh, yeah? Tell me,” you urged, smiling more as you stretched out._

_“I’m thinking of how I’m ready to settle down, find a nice house and start a family with you,” he said seriously. He brought it up in the past, but he meant it. He wanted a life with you._

_“You really want to?” you asked, your eyes bright with happiness. He always wanted you to look like that._

_"I do. I'm just…" he began, taking your hand and kissing it. "I'm ready to be done with the fight."_

_"You really want to stop being Captain America?”_

_“I still want to help people, but the last few missions have been tough to shake. I want something that isn’t going to take me away from you for days at a time,” he explained, running a hand through his hair. "I just have a bad feeling about the next mission."_

_He saw worry in your eyes and he hated seeing it even for a second. He wondered if should have kept his mouth shut. His instincts were usually correct, but he didn’t need you to be afraid while he was gone. “It’s one last mission, right?” you asked._

_“Right. Last one,” he promised. Fighting was all he knew for so long, but he could stop after this._

_You leaned up and kissed him gently, like you didn’t have to worry about tomorrow. He didn’t want to face the next day. He just wanted to stay lost in your embrace and those kisses that robbed him of his strength. “You’ll have me by your side once it’s done. And you’ll still have Bucky,” you reminded him. “Your best friend and your best girl.”_

_He was the luckiest man in the world for that. “You think he’ll be the best man for our wedding if I ask him?”_

_“I think he’ll be upset if you ask anyone else,” you half teased, making him smile. Bucky would be so happy for both of you. “And you keep talking about our wedding, but I don’t see a ring on my finger.”_

_“I’m just waiting for the right moment,” he smiled, kissing your hand again. An almost giddy feeling bubbled up as he pictured the look on your face when he got down on one knee. He had the ring ready. Once the last mission was done, he’d propose._

_“I’d wait forever,” you swore, gently tapping his nose with your finger. “But please don’t make me wait that long.”_

_“I won’t,” he promised, rolling on top of you. “I love you so much.”_

_“I love you, too, Steve.”_

_“Forever?” he smiled._

_“Forever,” you promised, pulling him down for a heated kiss._

Tears filled his eyes as the memory faded. He should have listened to what his gut told him and stayed behind. He should have done things so differently. He had another chance, even if he was going about it the wrong way. "Need something, Buck?" he asked when he heard footsteps behind him, not turning around just yet as he wiped his eyes.

"You need to stop whatever it is you’re planning, Steve," Bucky answered. “I’m asking you to please stop.”

“I don’t need to stop anything,” he said. 

“Yes, you do. If you keep pushing, it won’t end well for anyone,” Bucky said, sighing. “If you really love-”

“Don’t finish that,” Steve said in a dark voice, turning to face his best friend. “I don’t need this from you, too.”

“You don’t _NEED_ this from me? You _left_ us. And that…” he stopped to swallow the lump in his throat. “Look, you never owed me anything after what you did. Seriously. You...you helped me more than I deserved. But you owed her something. And I know you think you’re right in what you’re doing now, but you’re not.”

Looking at the man in front of him, the Captain felt another piece of himself break. His best friend could blend into a crowd, disappear for days if he wished. He knew how to hide pain, but he couldn’t hide it in that moment. It filled his eyes. “And I know you don’t see it now, but I am right. I’ll prove it to both of you.”

“Listen to yourself!” he snapped. “This isn’t you, Steve. Spying on her? On all of them? You think they won’t figure out what you’re doing?”

“I’m sure they already have,” he said as a matter-of-fact. “In fact, I’m counting on it.”

“And Nat is just going along with this? And Sam? Tony?” Bucky ticked off. 

Steve nodded. “They want me happy because that’s what I deserve. _WE_ deserve that after everything we’ve done. We sacrificed so many things, but everyone ignores it as long as we still fight.”

“Did you ever stop to think about what or who makes _her_ happy? _Clark_ makes her happy,” he said, his tone gentler. “Just talking with her I could see it.”

“Clark…” he said as if the name burned his tongue. Just the image of the two of you in his mind made his blood boil. He would never blame you though. Not after what happened. “He doesn’t understand yet, but he will.”

“He loves her. He isn’t just going to give up like you did.”

Bucky’s words cut deep and he had to keep himself from lashing out. He didn’t know the truth. He would soon enough. “I love her more than he ever could. He’ll let go.”

“And if he doesn’t?” Bucky asked, almost afraid to.

“Then I’ll have to make him.”

The former assassin looked at him like he didn’t recognize his best friend. He looked at him like he was a shell of himself. Not even a shell. More like he wasn’t Steve Rogers at all. “What the hell happened to you?” he whispered to himself before he walked away.

Steve almost broke the charade as he watched him leave. "You have no fucking idea," he said in the empty room, your laughter ringing out once again on the screen. He wouldn't lose you. Not a second time.

*****

"I don't understand," you said quietly.

Clark had flown you both to Gotham as discreetly as he could when he received an alert from Bruce. It didn't take him long to fill you in on Barbara's findings. Everyone in the cave looked tense and you didn't blame them. It was a feeling you had begun to get accustomed to. 

"What do you not understand?" Bruce asked, not in a demeaning way. Like you, he just wanted answers. You were the closest person there to Steve and now he was going after all of them. He made it very personal.

“I don't understand why Steve is searching for information on all of you. You’re sure it was him? It wasn’t Tony or Natasha?” you asked. The two of them made sense to search. Tony was a tech genius and Natasha was a spy. That was never Steve’s strategy.

“I’m sure,” Barbara told you. She wouldn’t have said that unless she was sure. “He’s using Stark’s system, but it’s him. And he’s smart, but he left a trail. It was almost like he wanted us to catch him.”

“About as subtle as a shield to the face,” Jason muttered, twirling one of his guns to keep his hand busy.

"You’re not enemies. You’re not trying to fight him."

"The more he knows about us, the easier it is for him to find our flaws. The more flaws he finds, the easier he can use them to get to you," Tim mused as he typed. “He _IS_ treating us like enemies because we’re not on his side. We’re on yours.”

“And he could be preparing himself for a fight,” Conner offered, looking at Tim. “I mean, the guy knows enough about Clark, and possibly me, that he’s searching for kryptonite. That isn’t a good sign.”

"But HOW did he know to search for that?” you pressed. It was dangerous for people to know who they were. They were careful about their identities. And something like kryptonite wouldn’t just weaken Clark and Conner. It could kill them. “And what if he ends up getting his hands on some? I don’t want either of you getting hurt.”

“I won’t get hurt,” Clark promised.

“Clark, you can’t promise me that,” you whispered as he took your hand. They just couldn’t in their line of work. 

“And I can’t just sit back and let him go after any of us. Especially you.”

An apology was on your lips, waiting to come out. They had enough problems to worry about. Now they had to deal with this. You weren’t worth the trouble, but you didn’t say so.

"I have a way to solve this problem," Jason offered. "A quick and easy method."

"You're not going to shoot him, Jason," Bruce answered, ignoring the disappointed look on his son's face. 

“C’mon, B! I haven’t shot anyone in months!” he defended himself as all eyes turned to him. “Fine. That _one_ pimp last week and it was a rubber bullet. This would be different. Just a shot to each kneecap.”

“Master Jason, please,” Alfred chastised, placing a hand on your shoulder in comfort briefly after placing a cup of tea in front of you. Everyone knew better than to argue with him. 

"What is it?" Clark questioned as he looked at you. "I can practically hear the wheels in your head turning."

You took a moment to collect your thoughts as you sipped your tea. You replayed the conversation with Steve in your mind so many times you had it memorized at this point. It was that thought that made you pause. "Something about this whole thing is off. The night of the gala he said 'Knowing what I did and having to sit back and not do a thing to stop it. That isn't me.'. That felt like one of the only true things he said when he talked about going back."

"One of the only true things?" Clark asked.

"The story he told me about how he tried to live a life with Peggy? The more I think about it...the more it seemed like an act, like he was reading the story from a script. And purposely leaving a paper trail so we know he’s digging for information? That isn’t the Steve I know,” you explained. Saying it out loud like that almost made you seem paranoid, but Clark was an alien and the rest of them grew up in Gotham. The unusual was just another walk in the park for them.

“But why would he lie? A story like that, he had to know it would hurt you hearing that,” Clark pointed out.

“Because as far as we all know, Steve went to the past to live out his life there. But what if that wasn’t true? Bucky said something was different about him when he came back. He seemed pretty uncomfortable. I don’t think he would lie to me.”

"Bucky?" Dick frowned. "When did you talk to him?"

"We met up at a café after the gala," you replied, looking at all of their faces. You couldn't read their expressions. Damn bat family and their ability to hide their emotions. "I told Clark," you added quickly. You called him the moment Bucky rushed off.

"No one is accusing you of anything, if that’s what you think," Barbara assured you, giving Clark a look that said he better not have. “You’re like us. You can’t just let things go.”

Guilt still filled you momentarily. They trusted you with their secrets and lifted you up when you fell apart. You didn’t want them to think you were running back to your past. Not when you had so much to look forward to.

“Let’s say you’re right and Steve lied to you. Is it possible that he messed with something in the timeline?” Dick changed the subject, snapping you out of it. “From what you’ve told us about him and the research we’ve done, this does seem out of character for him. We all know well enough how bad it is messing with history.”

Bruce made a humming noise in agreement. “Barry might be able to give us some insight. If something did change, we need to consider what else may have been affected. Damian and I have patrol, but I can do more research when we return.”

“Conner and I can continue to watch Lex Corps,” Tim offered.

“I’ll run another check and see if he’s tried to breach any files,” Barbara said, already concentrating on the screens before she stopped. “Guys...we may have a problem.”

“What problem?” Bruce questioned as an alert appeared on all of the cave screens.

“It’s a message...for Hope,” the redhead replied.

Dread filled you as the words appeared on the screen. **“You have twenty-four hours to return to New York, alone, or I’ll release their identities to the public.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, lovelies! Are you still reading this? If any of you read my latest chapter of The Interrogation, you'll know some personal stuff has pushed my writing behind. I apologize for the wait and hope you enjoy. Come say hi to me on Tumblr [here!](https://navybrat817.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trust is something earned and Clark has a bad feeling about your decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not beta read and any and all mistakes are my own.

Your eyes were still glued to the words on the screen as the memory faded. Blinking didn't help. The words were still there, taunting you. How far had the man you once loved fallen? 

“This isn’t good.”

“Yeah, no fucking _shit_. Tell us something we don’t know.”

“Not helping, _Jay_!”

“Yelling and arguing isn’t going to help,” Bruce pointed out. 

“I’m already starting a trace,” Barbara said. “And he better hope like hell I don’t get my hands on him.”

“I’d like to see that,” Dick joked. They all knew he was trying to keep the tone light.

Everyone around you kept talking, but you hadn’t said a word. You felt like you were going to be sick. If this got out, it would be your fault. No. You couldn’t think that way. This was Steve and his choices.

Looking at them though, you couldn’t stop the guilt that hit you full force. This was a direct threat because of you. “I'm sorry,” you whispered to no one in particular as you got up and walked away.

“Where are you going, Hope?” you heard behind you, making you turn. Clark was right behind you.

“I need air,” you answered, cringing. That was a terrible excuse.

“Don’t do this. Don't pull away from us.”

“I’m not pulling away,” you said, turning to go to the stairs. “I'm making a choice.”

“Yes, you are. You’re making a choice to pull away from us. You’re walking away because you feel guilty. I could see it all over your face,” he said as he followed, gently taking your arm to stop you. “I may not be a detective like any of them, but I know you.”

You closed your eyes when he moved in front of you, still holding your arm. His touch soothed you as you attempted to quiet the thoughts clouding your mind. “We should be concentrating on our wedding. They should be concentrating on their patrols, cases and lives. No one should have to worry about anything involving me.”

“If someone is after you or bothering you, we’re going to help,” he told you, bringing a hand to your chin when you opened your eyes. “Do you expect us to just let this go?”

"Yes, I do," you said, trying your hardest not to let your voice wobble.

"We can't just let this go and you can't just walk away."

"Yes, I can."

"Why?"

“I’m just walking away because they’re going to throw me out!” you snapped before you could stop yourself. “Because one day you’re all going to figure out that you don’t want or need me around. Because...I’m _not_ worth it.”

You swore you could actually see Clark’s heart shatter at your words and you wished like hell you could take them back. Those insecurities that ate away at you reared their ugly head and there was no hiding. But you couldn’t even apologize when he moved both hands to frame your face. 

“Listen to me. Don’t just hear my words. _Listen_ ” he said in a low voice. “Every single person here loves you, Hope. That isn’t going to change. My love for you isn’t going away. I’ll tell you every single day until it sinks in.”

“Clark…” you whispered, tears filling your eyes.

“I’m a better man just by knowing you. I’m a better hero because of your faith in me. If you could see yourself through my eyes, you would see that you are worth _everything_.”

You kissed him deeply, not able to put into words just then how touched you were. He saw the dents in your armor and still made you feel strong. “I didn’t mean-”

“I know. You’re scared, but you don’t have to be,” he whispered against your lips. “I hate that he put these doubts in your mind that you aren’t worth fighting for.”

You hated it, too. It was one of the worst feelings. "I still can't let him release their identities. They aren't the Avengers. If Gotham knew who they really were, do you know what that would do? And what if he knows about everyone else? Diana? Barry? Arthur? Hal? Or the Titans?"

That was one of the major differences between the teams. Everyone knew who the Avengers were, but the Justice League and Titans survived on secrecy. If the world knew who they were, it would cause a lot of harm and destruction. 

You shook your head, trying to put some distance between the two of you. He wouldn't let you budge. "I can't let him. If it means protecting the rest of you, I’m going."

“Clark?” Bruce asked as he walked over. From the look on his face, it was clear that he heard at least part of your conversation. “I think the best course of action is for her to go to him.”

It felt like a punch to the gut, even if you expected it. But you understood. You really did. It was like you told Clark, they had to protect their identities. You were just a stray who wandered into their lives.

“No,” your fiancé said immediately as he shook his head. “ _NO_. I _just_ told her we wouldn’t hand her over to him and that’s exactly what you’re doing. One minute was all it took for you to throw her away. She isn’t a soldier to use for your mission, Bruce!”

“I’m well aware that she isn’t a soldier. I’m not throwing her away. Lower your voice _now_ ,” Bruce said, his voice starting to slip into his Batman tone. 

“Clark, please,” you whispered, gripping his arm like did with you moments before. It snapped him out of his anger. “He’s right. I should go.”

“You have no idea what that bastard is capable of!” he argued. “What the hell is he going to do if he gets his hands on you? I can’t…” he couldn’t finish his thought as he hugged you closer. 

“You won’t lose me,” you whispered, finishing the thought for him. He had your love, no matter what happened. 

“She won’t be alone,” Bruce promised. “Did you actually think we’d send her by herself?” 

“The message said for me to return alone,” you reminded Bruce when Clark gave you room to breathe.

“I know what the message said. I’m asking you to trust me.”

His words made you think of the first time you saw the inside of the manor.

_“You know you’re the first person Clark has brought over since Lois,” Dick said as everyone ate. “You must be special.”_

_“Oh, I'm nothing special,” you said with a small smile._

_Everyone, minus Bruce, chuckled at your response. “Clark and I spoke before you came over," he said, his stoic expression not giving you an inch as you looked his way. "He said he trusts you. I don't believe trust is something to hand out easily. It's something that needs to be earned."_

_“Bruce,” Clark warned, putting his hand over yours._

_"This is exactly why I stopped coming to weekly dinners. If you go off on a lecture, B, I'm out," Jason said as he began to get up._

_“I’m not expecting you to trust me right away because I don’t really trust you either,” you told Bruce._

_“Nevermind. I’m staying,” Jason smirked as he sat back in his chair._

_“You don’t trust me?” Bruce asked. He didn’t sound surprised, but he did sound intrigued._

_“You could say it’s to protect myself, but it’s to protect you, too. You need to know that what you share isn’t just important, but safe. I don’t trust easily and I can safely say that I’ve lost trust in others before,” you explained, smiling softly. “But I still have faith.”_

_Clark squeezed your hand, a proud look on his face as he looked at his friend. “I stand by what I said.”_

_Bruce seemed satisfied for the moment as he began to eat again. “Well...I look forward to testing that faith one day.”_

_“Welcome to the family,” Dick winked._

“I trust you,” you swore. “So what’s the plan?”

*****

You opened your eyes as the sun peeked in through the curtains. You swore you had just fallen asleep. Clark made love to you for most of the evening and it almost felt wrong while everyone else was hard at work. They understood though. Who knew what today would bring?

You gazed at Clark as you opened your eyes more. Did he know how much you loved him? 

“Go back to sleep,” he whispered, wrapping an arm around you when you tried to move.

As tempting as that was, you knew you had to get up. “I have to get going.”

Clark opened his eyes at that and helped you sit up. “I don’t like this. I still don’t see why I can’t just fly you there or be the one to take you,” he said. He was afraid for today. You never believed your Kryptonian would be afraid of anything.

“We can’t risk you being there. You said it yourself that you don’t know what he’s capable of. So, we have to treat today like normal.”

“It doesn’t mean I have to like it,” he said, throwing the blankets back and getting out of bed.

You took a moment to admire the view, smiling to yourself as you stood up. “I don’t like it either, but we’ll be fine.”

“Do we need to go over the plan again?”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Alfred is going to drive me. Jason is going to follow. Tim and Conner are keeping an eye on Lex Corps. Barbara is watching for anything suspicious. Dick should be in New York by now. Damian and Bruce have a ‘client meeting’ scheduled there as well. And _YOU_ are going to work like normal. We went over this.”

“I know,” he smiled sheepishly. “I just wanted to hear you talk some more.”

“Cute," you teased "Lucky for you, everyone is going to hear me. I won't be alone in there," you reminded him, tapping your ear.

"But once you're actually in the building-"

"We'll have eyes in there, too," you assured him. 

Clark didn’t say anything else as you both got ready. It wasn’t like him to just sit back while you put yourself directly in the line of fire. You knew it was killing him inside. _"Damn you, Steve,”_ you thought. 

“Al’s got the car waiting,” Jason told you as you both made your way down to the front door, his motorcycle helmet in hand. “Get your ass to work, Supes. We got this.”

Clark sighed. “I still have a bad feeling about this.”

“If Captain Asshole tries anything, I’ll shoot him. I don’t care what B says,” Jason promised.

You brought Clark's head to yours for a gentle kiss. “I’ll be fine. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he swore, giving you one last glance before he stepped outside and took off. 

“Good thing B lifted his ‘no meta’ rule,” Jason teased as you walked out with him, glancing at you when you didn’t crack a smile. “Hey. We got this. Things will be back to normal soon.”

“Nothing about our lives is normal,” you pointed out. You were engaged to an alien and Jason had come back from the dead.

“Normal is overrated,” he smirked, nudging you toward the car as Alfred opened the door. “Get going. You know how Al is about his schedule,” he added, slipping on his helmet. 

“Punctuality is important,” Alfred said as he helped you into the car. 

“I can sit up front with you,” you offered as you buckled up. He didn’t have to be your chauffeur. 

“Nonsense,” he responded as he shut the door. You shook your head as he went to the driver’s side. He wanted to take care of you, like he took care of everyone else. He really was the glue that held the Wayne family together.

You looked behind you as he drove off, the manor fading in the background. Jason waited a bit before he followed. “Thank you for driving me,” you said as you faced forward, needing to say something to fill the silence.

A flicker of sadness crossed Alfred’s face as he looked in the rearview mirror. “No need to thank me. I volunteered, remember?” 

“I remember,” you said. “I wish none of you had to be involved.”

“And it is my wish that you do not face this alone. You would have gone to him the moment you could slip away, whether you had us on your side or not. I also know you wouldn’t have let anyone, including Master Kent, convince you otherwise to stay. Like Master Bruce’s sons, you feel this unnecessary need to prove yourself.”

“It’s...it’s not to prove myself. _Maybe_ I am a bit. I’m just trying to stop this.”

"You say that as if you do not have a choice. So you chose to shift the blame entirely to yourself.”

“Maybe...I just wanted to show that the trust you all placed in me wasn’t misguided.”

“ _Another_ trait you seem to share is how stubborn and self-sacrificing you are,” he said dryly. “Our trust in you has never been misguided. You are one of the most capable and generous people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. You have a place with us. If we have not shown you that, then that is _our_ failure. Not yours.”

Alfred’s words made your heart twist in your chest. You at least had the decency to look a bit ashamed as he looked back at you in the mirror again. “I...Thank you, Alfred,” you said. It comforted you a bit to hear that. “But I do have to ask. What good is my place if it’s only going to hurt everyone?” you asked seriously.

“You underestimate our ability to-”

The sound of crunching metal and broken glass cut off the rest of his statement. Your seatbelt dug painfully into your chest as you lurched forward, the car coming to a halt as you slammed back against the seat. Groaning a bit, you tried to figure out what you could have possibly hit on this path. Or what hit you.

“Al...Alfred?” you asked, trying to see if he was hurt as your door was ripped open. You found yourself face-to-face with Iron Man as your seatbelt was undone. 

“Captain’s orders,” was all he said as he grabbed you and pulled you from the wreckage. 

There were other Iron Man suits surrounding the vehicle, one opening up beside who you guessed was Tony. You were vaguely aware of Jason’s bike revving in the distance as you were pushed into the suit. “Clark?” you croaked as the suit enclosed around you.

“Where to, boss?” you heard.

“Coordinates have been sent,” Steve’s voice rang out. 

“ _Steve_?” you asked as the suit took off, fighting to stay awake.

“I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your patience. My cousin's daughter is doing better and life is slowly getting back to "normal". 
> 
> Updates going forward should be every 2 weeks. ❤️  
> Come say hi to me on Tumblr [here!](https://navybrat817.tumblr.com/)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotions run high as everyone gets closer to the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not beta read and any and all mistakes are my own.

Jason had one of his guns out as he sped closer to the wreckage, but the suits didn't pay any attention to him. He wasn't their target...you were. "Let her go, you fucking-" his words were lost as he fired, watching helplessly as you were shoved into one before they took off. 

" _Fuck_!" he yelled as he slowed down, shoving his gun in the holster before jumping off his bike. He threw his helmet off as he approached the driver side, trying to keep the rage of the pit away. Getting angry wouldn’t help. "Al?!" he tried to keep his voice calm as he pried the door open. He didn’t recall grabbing the knife from his strap as he cut through the airbag and seatbelt. At this point, he was autopilot.

“C’mon, Al,” he whispered to the unconscious man, searching for his pulse. “Thank fuck,” he sighed when he found it, doing a quick sweep of him to see if there was any visible damage. He couldn’t risk injuring him more by moving him too quickly. “Of course, you’re alive. A car isn’t taking you down.”

He straightened up when he heard motion behind him, swinging the knife before he could stop himself. Clark caught his wrist, his eyes wide. “Where is she?”

“They took her,” Jason said, trying to pull his wrist away. “Supes, you gotta help me get him to the cave.”

“Where. Is. She?” he asked again, his eyes flashing red. 

Jason’s eyes didn’t light up as bright as Clark’s, but the green swirl was threatening to surface. “We’ll find her. You have my word and you know I don’t give that easily. But we gotta get him out of here. I can’t carry him on my bike. Please.”

Clark looked torn before he dropped Jason’s wrist, nodding. “Move.”

He stepped aside, pressing the com in his ear. “Mission abort,” he ordered as he watched Clark do another sweep of Alfred.

“Say again, Hood?” Tim asked.

“We were ambushed. Eagle’s wounded. Supes is getting him to the cave. They took Hope,” he said. He tapped the com again when no one said anything. Did they not hear him? “Do you copy?”

“On our way,” Bruce said, his voice cold. 

“Roger, Hood,” Tim said after, his tone almost as cold as Bruce’s. It was scary how alike they were.

“Big Wing?” Jason asked, swallowing as Clark lifted Alfred into his arms. “Answer me!”

“Roger, Little Wing. Take a breath.”

“Dickwad,” he said under his breath. “O, can you get a lock on the Stark suits?”

“I’m trying,” Barbara answered, not hiding the frustration in her tone. “Big Wing’s right. Try to take a breath, please. We’ll handle it. This is what we do.”

Jason closed his eyes. “No. That fucker made it personal when he went after one of our own,” he said angrily. He saw Clark take off as he opened his eyes, snatching his helmet from the ground. “And he better pick a God and pray that Supes doesn’t get to him first. Hood out.”

*****

“What the hell?” you mumbled as you opened your eyes. You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but you were no longer in the suit. You were in a large bedroom room that you didn’t recognize. Shockingly, you weren’t restrained. 

“Easy,” Steve said, helping you sit up. 

“Don’t touch me!” you snapped, coughing from how dry your throat was. “ _Don’t_!" you said again once you got it under control, smacking his hand away. 

Steve’s jaw clenched as he pulled away, grabbing the bottle of water on the nightstand. “This will help.”

You grudgingly took it from his outstretched hand, taking a large sip. “Oh, my God. Alfred,” you whispered as you remembered the crash. Was he hurt? Did he make it?

“He’ll be fine,” he swore as he sat on the edge of the bed. “The order was for minimal damage.”

“Tony is really taking orders from you?” you asked incredulously, taking another sip. _"Captain’s orders,”_ was all he said to you. 

“He does what I tell him to. And I’m sorry about Alfred,” he said sadly. For a moment, you believed he was. “I…I had to get your attention.”

You shook your head as you set the water down. “You set us up. You knew I’d come back here and you _KNEW_ we’d be separated,” you said. Clark was right to have a bad feeling. Why didn’t you listen to him?

“The World’s Greatest Detective is a bit predictable at times. I knew he’d encourage you to come back to me. I was just a step ahead.”

“You really know who they are?” you asked. How did he know?

“I know just about everything,” he said. He looked...tired. Like the world was on his shoulders. Why weight did he have to carry?

“Then you know who Clark is,” you pointed out. “You know all I have to do is yell and he’ll be here.”

“You can try,” he told you, waving a hand at you. “Be my guest.”

“Clark!” you called out. A few seconds passed before it bled into a minute. A minute faded into another minute. You wondered why Steve didn’t look nervous or scared as you carefully looked around the room. There were no windows. You truly had no idea where you were. “Clark?” you asked, tears clogging your throat. Why wasn’t he there?

Steve gave you a look of pity before he stood up. “I’m not sure how far underground Kryptonians can hear, but I do know that they have a very hard time hearing through lead lining in walls.” 

You were on your feet a second later, your fist connecting with his chin. It didn’t even stun him. He let you get another hit in before he grabbed your wrists, silent as you began to cry. “Why are you doing this?” you asked, your voice breaking. “Who the hell do you think you are?! The great Captain America and the Avengers resorting to stalking, blackmail and kidnapping because you didn’t get your way?! You’re supposed to be heroes!”

“I needed their help. After the gala...I couldn’t get you alone otherwise. They’ll be back to normal soon enough.”

“What did you do? Did you threaten them? Hurt them? Are you that fucked in the head that your own friends can’t even trust you to do the right thing?”

“You don’t understand,” he said, anger crossed his face as you tried to break free.

“I don’t understand?! You _left_! You don’t get to do this because you regret your choice!”

“I didn’t leave you, damn it, and I DON’T LOVE PEGGY!” he yelled as he released you, making you fall back against the bed. 

“Steve…”

“You think I want to be the bad guy? You think I like you looking at me that way?! You have no idea the hell I’ve been through! They took you from me! They destroyed _EVERYTHING_!”

His voice echoed in the room as you stared at each other, his breathing heavy as he tried to calm down. “What are you talking about?” you asked, softer this time when he began to pace. His hands kept clenching and unclenching, like he couldn’t decide what to do with them. 

“I’m trying so hard. I can’t...keep doing this,” he said to himself, like he forgot you were there. “It’s fine, it’s _fine_. Once I get you and Bucky home, it’ll be fine.”

“Get us home?” you repeated. What was he talking about?

“I just need to get you and Bucky out of here. You don’t belong here. It’ll be back to how it should be soon enough.”

You backed up more on the bed, starting to shake. “Steve, you’re scaring me,” you whispered as he went back over to you. 

“You don’t need to be scared of me,” he said, brushing his hand along your cheek. “I know this isn’t easy, but we’ll get past it. And...in time, I know you’ll move on from Clark. I’ll help you, sweetheart. We’ll heal together. I promise.”

You felt him gently wipe a tear away with his thumb, but your body still shook. “You called me that when I was in the suit. Steve...doesn’t call me sweetheart. He never did,” you whispered. “He always called me ‘darling’.” 

Steve’s eyes narrowed as his hand fell away. “I guess he did.”

“...Who are you?” you asked. Who the hell was the man standing in front of you?

“I’m Steve Rogers,” he replied with a soft smile. “I’m still your Steve.”

“Don’t lie to me,” you whispered. “Please...just tell me the truth.”

“Get some rest. I need to make sure everything is ready.”

“Just let me go if you won’t tell me, please,” you begged. You hated resorting to begging, but you had to try. “I can convince them not to go after you if you just let me go.”

Steve quickly shook his head as he walked away, pausing as he punched in a code to open the door. “I’ll tell you everything soon. The real story. I promise, sweetheart,” he swore, looking back over your shoulder. “No more lies,” he added as he walked out, the door shutting as he left you alone.

You stared after him as you got up. You wiped your eyes as you went to the closest wall and placed your hand against it. “Clark…I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. I’m _so_ sorry.”

You couldn’t linger on regrets. You had to find out who this man was...and why he took you.

*****

The only sounds in the cave were from Alfred’s heart monitor, Barbara’s typing and Clark’s footsteps. Everyone knew Bruce was upset, even if he didn’t show it. Alfred was the heart of the family and no one liked seeing him hurt. Worse, they knew he would blame himself when he woke up for your capture. It wasn’t his fault at all. They should have known it was a trap.

“I’m sorry, my friend,” Bruce whispered to Alfred. It took all of his strength not to lash out, but he was saving it. He would strike when it counted. And he would make sure it hurt.

“Has anyone heard from Boy Wonder?” Barbara asked, worried. Why hadn’t Dick checked in?

Tim shook his head. “Not since the mission was aborted, but he hasn’t activated any distress signals.”

“Clark,” Conner said as he looked over at him. He looked like he was ready to explode with rage...or worse.

“I can’t hear her. I can’t hear _anything_ ,” he said. He couldn’t be cool, calm and collected when he had no idea where you were. “I need to find her.”

“You need to stay here,” Bruce ordered.

“How the hell am I supposed to just stay here? We don’t know what the hell he’s doing to her!”

“If you go out in this emotional state, you’ll cause more harm than good. He won’t hurt her,” Bruce promised as Clark stormed over and grabbed him by the collar.

“Unhand my father at _once_ ,” Damian warned, reaching for his sword.

“Clark, please!” Conner shouted, rushing over to pull him away before he was knocked away.

“Conner!” Tim yelled, his bo staff at the ready. 

“Put your weapons down!” Barbara snapped as she wheeled close.

Bruce held up a hand to stop everyone, his eyes on the furious Kryptonian. 

“You promised she’d be safe,” he said through his teeth. “You _promised_ me.”

“I know,” Bruce said solemnly. “This is on my hands. You can hate me for it later once we end this.”

“Clark,” Jason said above a whisper, not moving away from his spot beside Alfred. “I gave you my word that we’d get her back. What the hell do you think she’d say if she saw you like this?”

Clark looked around, blinking a few times before he let go of Bruce. Conner got to his feet, moving into a fighting stance. Tim and Damian still had their weapons aimed at him. He could imagine the hurt look on your face knowing that you raised a hand to them. “I’m sorry. I…Conner...”

“I’m fine. We get it,” he swore, nodding to Tim to put the bo staff away. 

“You men, I swear,” Barbara said, everyone turning when footsteps echoed in the cave.

“What’s going on?” Dick asked as he went down the steps. 

“Where have you been, Grayson?” Damian asked, not lowering his sword. 

“And what the _fuck_ is he doing with you?!” Jason managed not to raise his voice as he got to his feet. 

“WAIT!” Dick held his hands up as Bucky cautiously walked behind him. “Please, just listen to him. He wants to help.”

“You truly are a fool to trust the enemy,” Damian sneered, taking a step forward. “He is simply here to finish the job for his friend.”

“I’m not the enemy and he isn’t my friend,” Bucky promised. “That man isn’t Steve Rogers. Not...our Steve at least.”

“Explain,” Bruce ordered. If his son brought this man to the cave, it had to be important. Dick read people well.

“I had my suspicions since the gala and did some digging. I found this,” he said, taking out a tattered journal from his jacket. “This Steve isn’t from our world. He’s from Earth 135.”

“Earth 135?” Clark asked, confused. “What the hell is he doing here?”

“He’s here for Hope and I,” Bucky said, looking down at the journal. “Because if this thing is telling the truth...we were murdered during his last mission.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! ❤️ Come say hi to me on Tumblr [here!](https://navybrat817.tumblr.com/)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's the matter with Steve Rogers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter included major character deaths and violence.  
> This is not beta read and any and all mistakes are my own.

The world wasn't always a kind or fair place. Steve Rogers learned that very early in life. Growing up, he wasn't bitter about his hardships like others he knew. They taught him to appreciate the good things in life. Bucky always admired that about him. You admired that trait as well. 

You and Bucky were thick as thieves from the beginning when he introduced you two. He lost count of how many times the two of you played pranks of him. It made him happy that the love of his life and best friend got along so well. Others would have been jealous, but he never had to worry about that. 

He couldn't imagine his life without you by his side. You were his soulmate. He told Bucky as such when he helped him pick out the engagement ring. He even helped him plan the proposal for when he returned from his last mission. Neither of you were meant to be there. Why didn’t he listen to his instincts and stay behind?

_**Steve fired another shot, glancing at the fallen bodies of his team. The intel was completely wrong. It was an ambush. He wasn’t sure if he’d make it out alive, but he had to for you. He didn’t even turn as the quinjet landed behind him. It was only when he heard your voice that he did.** _

_**“Captain?” you called again as you and Bucky rushed toward him, your guns ready.** _

_**Steve’s hair was in his eyes from his crouched position, dirt and grime all over him from the fight. “What are you doing here?!”** _

_**“You called her for an extraction,” Bucky answered as he joined him. "So I tagged along."** _

_**“I didn’t call her in,” he told him, standing long enough to shoot before he ducked back down.** _

_**“Enhanced soldiers?” Bucky asked, watching them tear the area apart.** _

_**“At least five,” Steve answered. They were powerful. More powerful than him.** _

_**“Are they...” you trailed off as you saw the bodies, swallowing. “Let’s get you out of here. Let’s go home.”** _

_**“Get back to the jet. Now,” he ordered. He couldn’t let you get hurt.** _

_**“Not without you,” you argued, grabbing his hand. “I’m not leaving you.”** _

_**Steve let out a breath. When you set your mind to something, you couldn’t be swayed. “Stay sharp.”** _

_**“I’ve got your back,” Bucky promised, firing overhead as someone flew at them. “Get her out of here. Now!”** _

_**Steve wrapped an arm around you as you rushed to the jet. Looking back over his shoulder, he saw Bucky lifted from the ground. His eyes widened in horror as he hovered, the soldier snapping his neck like a twig. It was like something out of a nightmare.** _

_**“BUCKY!” he yelled as his body fell. He wasn’t moving. His best friend wasn’t moving. “I...I can’t leave him here.”** _

_**“We won’t. We’ll-”** _

_**The beam of red energy took Steve by surprise, but it wasn’t aimed at him. It came from the same soldier who just killed Bucky. You froze as the ray went through your chest, a single tear falling from your eye. It happened so fast that he couldn’t even push you away.** _

_**"Steve?" you gasped when the beam faded, collapsing.** _

_**"No," Steve whispered, catching you before you could hit the ground. "Hey. Look at me. I've got you, sweetheart. I need you to look at me."** _

_**Your eyes were open, but unseeing. Your skin already felt less warm. He didn't have to check your pulse to know that you were gone, but he kept trying. This couldn't be happening. Not to you.** _

_**"Sweetheart?" his voice cracked as tears spilled over, gingerly covering the wound. "I...I need you to wake up. Please. God, wake up!"** _

_**Steve Rogers, Captain America, was reduced to a sobbing mess as he held your limp body against his. He would never see your smile or hear your laugh again. He wouldn't hear you whisper "I love you" before you went to sleep. The dream of having a family and life was gone. You were gone.** _

*****

It wasn’t long after the mission that he tortured his direct superior. He never called you in for backup, so someone else had to send you. It only took an hour to get the information out of him. It was almost pathetic how quickly he cracked.

He told his superiors that morning that it was his last mission away from you. He had his own life to think of. The organization didn't like that. Not one bit. 

The soldiers he fought were an experiment who had been granted with incredible abilities. Flight, speed, strength and so much more. They were unstable. Difficult to control. That made them dangerous.

His team was meant to escort them to a new location, but they broke free. Pierce got word and sent you in. He knew you wouldn't make it out alive. Bucky and the others weren’t meant to die that day. Only you. 

"I know you loved her," the man huffed, both of his eyes swollen shut from earlier punches. "I'm sorry. I was only acting under orders."

Steve lost count of how many times he hit him. He never felt such rage until that moment. As he washed the blood from his hands later, bitterness filled his heart. The organization he fought for, that he believed in, took you away from him. 

They never found Alexander Pierce’s body. He made sure of that.

*****

He buried you with the engagement ring, ignoring the words of comfort others tried to provide. Loneliness ate away at him along with soul crushing guilt. His heart was in pieces and he didn't know how to put it back together. He didn't even know where to begin. How could he move forward? How could he feel whole when his best girl and best friend were ripped away from him? 

*****

Steve Rogers was going mad. He hardly slept. When he did sleep, he saw you and Bucky dying over and over...accusing him. Blaming him. 

_"Why didn't you save us?" Bucky asked, his neck bent at an unnatural angle._

_"This is your fault, Steve," your corpse whispered._

"I'm sorry," was always on his lips when he woke up. He had to do something. He had to fix this. He would fix this. He owed you that much. 

*****

"Attempt twenty-nine unsuccessful."

Steve swept everything after the table before he covered his face. Cloning wasn't working. Why wasn't it working? "Initiate attempt thirty."

"Captain, I must insist-"

"DO IT!" he screamed, his voice echoing in the lab. 

He stopped after attempt number eighty-three. 

*****

The world wasn't always a kind or fair place, but Steve tried to have hope. He felt it fade as each day passed. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong," he said, running his finger along a photo of you two. "Tell me what I'm doing wrong."

He raised his head and looked in the mirror. His hair was longer, unkept. He looked like a broken man. If you saw him like this, what would you say? Would you be ashamed? He just wanted to see you smile again. 

He picked up the nearest object and threw it at the mirror, watching it shatter. "Tell me what I'm doing wrong," he said again, wishing you could answer him. He was only met with silence. 

*****

"I can fix this," he told the Ancient One tiredly. "I can go back and fix it. Please...I can _save_ them. They didn't deserve this."

"They were meant to die that day. None of us get to choose our time and I'm sorry for that."

"No. I refuse to accept that," he growled. He knew he looked and sounded crazy. He didn't care. 

"You don't get to decide how this world works or the others. This world is full of malice. I wish you had been in one of the lighter worlds. Perhaps you would have had a better fate."

"...other worlds?"

*****

Steve discovered in his research that he belonged to Earth 135. It was one of countless parallel universes. People had the ability to move through time and jump through worlds. He knew this was the key. This was the answer he had been looking for. 

An interdimensional extrapolator was the device he needed. Getting it wasn't easy, but he managed. He even left the hero alive that he stole it from. "I have to. I'm sorry," was all he said. 

The Ancient One said he couldn't change the past in his world. Messing with fate wasn't a smart decision or a fair one. He knew that deep down. But there was another world where you and Bucky needed him. This was his second chance. 

"I'll find you, sweetheart. We'll be together again."

*****

Steve kept meticulous notes in his journal of each world and timeline he visited. It was the only way to keep track of everything. It was old-fashioned, but he preferred that method. He kept a photo of you and Bucky in there and looked at it when he began to lose himself. 

The constant jumps through time and worlds wore on him as time went on. He felt as if he aged decades overnight. In some places, you didn't exist. In others, you were too...different. In a few...you were happy with other versions of him. Each version he saw made his heart clench.

_"Grant, put me down!" you shrieked._

_"I'm just practicing for when I carry you over the threshold."_

You smiled at him the way you used to.

_"Rogers is just a soldier."_

_"He's more than a soldier," you argued against a man nearly twice your size. "And I would follow him anywhere."_

You fought for and with him. 

_"What do you think?" you smiled, stretching a onesie over your growing belly. "Perfect for a baby girl."_

_"You think we're having a girl?"_

_"I know we are," you teased, gazing at him. "And she'll have you wrapped around your finger."_

You loved him. And...he couldn't take you away from his counterparts. Not when you were so happy.

*****

Not every visit was a failure in his eyes. He was able to pick up some useful tools during his journey. After he saw the catastrophic damage that Superman caused in one world, he obtained a bit of kryptonite just in case he encountered another bad version of him. An even more useful weapon he took along the way was a scepter capable of mind control. He hoped he wouldn't have to use it on anyone.

*****

"Tell me what I'm doing wrong," he whispered as he leaned against a wall, a tear sliding down his cheek. Earth 46 turned out to be another dead-end. The journey seemed more and more hopeless. He couldn't remember the man he was in the beginning. 

Opening his journal, he stared at the photo. It was worn, but still beautiful. He could almost hear the laughter through the image. He couldn't let you down. "One last stop," he whispered. One more world and he'd stop. 

*****

It was too good to be true. He was sure his mind was playing tricks on him. He finally found the right world. A world where the two of you were so much like the ones he lost. The cracks in his heart began to fill. This was fate...he was meant to save you both. 

Steve on your Earth left. He left you and Bucky behind. How could he do that? It didn't make any sense to him. On the one hand, he was thrilled. He finally found the world he needed to get the two of you back. But he couldn't just take you away. And he didn't want to use the scepter. Not on you.

And...what if _your_ Steve came back? He couldn't let that happen. 

*****

Watching your Steve dance with another woman made his blood boil. She was a lovely woman. He could tell. She just wasn't you.

The music drifted from the door as your Steve went outside after a minute. The smile faded as he put his hands in his pockets. He recognized the look in his eyes... _regret_. 

He didn't bother to hide his presence as he stepped out from behind the tree. He knew the moment his counterpart spotted him, bringing an almost hostile smile to his face. 

"Hey, Steve. I think we need to talk."  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! ❤️ Come say hi to me on Tumblr [here!](https://navybrat817.tumblr.com/)


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